Change

I have just started the 4th decade of my life and it finally got me thinking what I really want to do in my life. Through the past three decades, I have been fortunate (or unfortunate depends on how you see it) enough that everything has lined up perfectly for me so that I really didn't have to make any hard decisions or maybe I should say I have been following what most people do and am luckily enough to get it. However, when I looked back, I felt like I didn't do anything that's extremely meaningful to me.

Granted I have a well paying job, have a shelter, and don't have to worry too much about my day-to-day expenses (well, I am pretty cheap :P). If I had a family, I am probably pretty happy about where I am at; however, since I am single and don't have any real responsibility, I start to question whether what I am doing is the best use of my time and "youth". I have some ideas of what I want to do but for some reasons, I am afraid of doing them. Something is holding me back. I am pretty sure it's the "change".

In general, people hate changes. It could be getting married, having a baby, buying a new house, or changing a job. We always try to avoid it as much as possible (yeah, some guys detest the idea of getting married and some couples think that babies would ruin their good lives :). Most people like a stable and predictable life as it's easy and comfortable. However, at the same time, this predictability and comfort would make one become complacent, which is what I hate to see myself getting into. I am not a competitive person but I hate to see myself living the same way throughout my life (yeah, I don't think I can ever give anyone a good life :).

Anyway, so I am trying to conquer my fear of change and decide what I want to do next. Sorry if I sound like I am complaining. I know that if I was back in 1960s, I wouldn't even think about it. I would probably just work, work, and work to make a living to take care of my family. Society has changed or maybe the Western world is just different. Regardless, I have this thing stuck in my head and I gotta figure this one out.